Every term you’ll run into on a venue’s booking page, event listing or profile — explained plainly. No smirking, no euphemism, just what the words mean so you can read a listing and know whether it’s for you.
Terminology varies a little between cities and platforms, and venues sometimes use their own house language. Where a venue’s listing defines a term differently, theirs wins.
Closed door
Play happening in a private room with the door shut. Universally understood as “do not enter, do not knock.” The most absolute boundary in any venue.
Code of conduct
The venue’s published rules — consent, discretion, phones, behaviour, and what gets you removed. Both Melbourne venues publish one, and agreeing to it is a condition of entry.
Couple
Two people attending together. Venues often specify the composition they mean; Between Friends, for example, defines it as a female-presenting and male-presenting couple.
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM)
The umbrella term for relationship structures where more than one connection is permitted, with everyone’s knowledge and agreement. The lifestyle sits inside it; so does polyamory. “Ethical” is doing the work in that phrase — the distinguishing feature is honesty, not activity.
Exhibitionist
Someone who enjoys being watched. In venue terms, the counterpart to a voyeur, and the reason open play areas exist.
FMF / MFM / MMF
Shorthand for the composition of a group, using the initials of the genders involved. MFM is the most common in event listings, and it’s the format under which Melbourne venues most often admit single men — Between Friends runs MFM Night events flagged as open to single guys.
Full swap
A couple’s stated boundary permitting full intimacy with other people. Contrast with soft swap. It’s a boundary description, not an expectation — nobody is obliged to do anything at any venue.
Hard limit / soft limit
A hard limit is an absolute no, not open to discussion. A soft limit is a “maybe, in the right circumstances.” Naming both before you go out is the single most useful conversation a couple can have.
House party / private party
An invitation-only event at a private home or hired space, organised outside the public venue calendar. Usually reached through a personal referral or an established profile, and not publicly listed — including by us.
Lifestyle, the
The preferred term for the scene itself, and the one venues use. “Swinging” is the older word and still widely understood; “the lifestyle” is what you’ll see on venue websites.
Meet and greet
A social event with no play component — drinks and conversation so people can meet before deciding anything. A good first outing for the nervous.
Newbie / newcomer
Someone new to the scene. Not a pejorative — venues actively schedule newcomer events, such as Pineapples’ Taste: A Night for Newbies and Between Friends’ Newcomers Night.
On-premises / off-premises
On-premises venues permit play on site. Off-premises venues are purely social — you meet there and go elsewhere. Melbourne’s lifestyle bars are on-premises, with designated areas for it.
Open play
Play in a shared or visible area rather than a private room. Being in an open area implies willingness to be seen — it does not imply willingness to be joined.
Play
The general, deliberately non-specific term for any physical activity at a venue. Covers everything from kissing upward, which is precisely why it’s the word people use.
Playroom
A designated area for play, as distinct from the bar and social floor. Venues typically offer both open rooms and private, lockable ones.
Polyamory
Multiple simultaneous romantic relationships, with everyone’s knowledge and consent. Related to but distinct from the lifestyle — polyamory centres on relationships, the lifestyle more often on recreation. Plenty of people are both.
Same room / separate rooms
Whether a couple stays together while playing or splits up. A common and important boundary; “same room only” is one of the most frequently set rules, particularly early on.
Single lady / single female
A woman attending alone. Welcome across essentially the whole Melbourne calendar — the widest access of anyone in the scene.
Single male / single guy
A man attending alone. Admitted only at events specifically flagged as open to single men. See the single men’s guide for where those are.
Soft swap
A couple’s stated boundary permitting some intimacy with others but stopping short of full intimacy. Where exactly the line sits varies by couple, so it’s worth stating specifically rather than assuming a shared definition.
Solo
Attending alone, of any gender. Increasingly the preferred neutral term, and the one Pineapples uses for its Solos Night.
Unicorn
A single woman willing to join an established couple. The term is half-joking — it refers to how rarely such a person materialises on demand — and many women find it reductive, since it describes someone purely by their usefulness to a couple. Use with care, or not at all.
Unicorn hunters
A couple searching for the above, usually with rigid conditions. Generally used critically, describing couples who treat a third person as an accessory rather than a participant.
Vanilla
Conventional, outside the scene. Used descriptively rather than as an insult — “our vanilla friends” simply means the ones who don’t know.
Vetting
A venue’s process for screening guests before entry — verification, an introduction system, or a conversation before your first visit. Pineapples describes itself as a vetted community and operates an introduction system for new guests. Vetting is a feature: it’s why the room is relaxed.
Voyeur
Someone who enjoys watching. Perfectly ordinary in a venue with open play areas — provided watching stays welcome and never edges toward joining without an invitation.
Terms you’ll see on Melbourne listings
A few phrases are specific to the local calendar:
- “Dressed down” — an invitation to wear less, never a requirement. See what to wear.
- “Single guys allowed” — Between Friends’ flag for events open to single men.
- “Under 35s” / “Under 38s” — age-bracketed nights for a younger crowd, run by both venues.
- “Open play couples” — in Pineapples’ Solos Night listings, couples where both partners may make separate connections.
- “Prebook” — buy in advance rather than at the door. Recommended everywhere and required for some events.
Come across a term we’ve missed? Email hello@swingershub.com.au and we’ll add it. Next: your first night, etiquette, or what’s on this weekend.